


You Sleep with your Mouth Open

by lakeghost



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Fluff, Gen, I promise, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, No Spoilers for Book 2: Wayward Son, Post-Book 1: Carry On, Road Trips, Short One Shot, fangst, featuring Tyrannus Basilton "king of fangst" Grimm-Pitch in top form, this is just some silly hypothetical fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 21:48:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21655966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lakeghost/pseuds/lakeghost
Summary: just a fluffy little snippet where (somehow) these dorks wind up on a cross-country road trip, and no one gave Penny the memo about Baz's whole situationshenanigans ensues, obviously
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	You Sleep with your Mouth Open

“Penelope, if you wouldn’t mind, close the shades.” Baz didn’t look up from his book, looking far too comfortable sprawled across the brown and green duvet on the motel bed.

Penny, seated on the other side of the room with her own reading, did look up, and sent him an icy glare. “Why?”

Baz huffed a sigh. “You’re closer. Conservation of energy.”

Simon was sitting cross-legged on the bed beside Baz, caught in the verbal crossfire but paying them no mind as he flipped through the channels on the tiny box of a TV. He had hoped getting out of the car would give them something to do other than pester each other, but what did he know.

He listened as Penny set her notepad and annotated tome to the side and got up. If setting down a book could sound annoyed, it did. The streaky afternoon sun was cut out of the room suddenly as she pulled shut the blinds.

“Much appreciated,” Baz deadpanned. Simon elbowed him in the ribs. He was just being dick now. Simon caught the edge of a smile on his face, even as he tried not to react. “Thank you, Penny.”

Simon switched his attention from the TV to see Penny sitting back down as she rolled her eyes. “Is any other vampire pandering required of me? Or can I return to the research that neither of you bothered to do?”

Baz stiffened beside him, but otherwise ignored the comment. Simon started speaking before his brain caught up: “What are you talking about?”

He did not glance over to see whatever incredulous look Baz was surely directing at him, instead focusing on Penny.

She shook her head lightly, smiling. “I just thought he was starting to get a little wan out in the sun today. Maybe I should go wrangle up some rats.”

It was Baz’s turn to act surprised. “I beg your pardon?”

For the first time, Penny looked puzzled. She tilted her head a few degrees but didn’t say anything.

Baz snapped his book shut and turned to face Simon directly. “When did you tell her?”

“I didn’t, I mean, not after - well -”

“Words, Snow,” he growled.

“I swear!” Simon’s tail began flicking nervously behind him.

“ _Crowley_ , Snow, I figured even you were smart enough to know that this is _privileged information_ ”

Simon’s face had gone a shocking pink, if his fluttering hands weren’t enough of a giveaway. “I didn’t say anything!” He began chewing the edge of a thumbnail, his eyes flicking between a fuming Baz and thoroughly entertained Penny.

“You’ve been threatening to expose me before you knew there was anything to expose! I’m supposed to believe that a quick snog in the woods and a few heart-to-hearts changed that!” Baz threw up his hands in exasperation and began pacing, clearly trying to run the math on just how much he had fucked up getting himself into this situation.

“Jesus, Baz, calm down!” The energy rolling off Baz felt like he might spontaneously combust. He opened his mouth to speak but his brain was running in circles.

Penny came to his rescue, interrupting his train of thought when she threw a wad of crumpled paper at the back of Baz’s head.

He turned on his heels and genuinely snarled at Penny, not bothering to hide his teeth. Simon winced.

“Sorry, I needed your attention. Don’t get mad at Simon, you idiot. It wasn’t a hard puzzle to piece together. We’ve essentially been living within thirty feet of each other for the past week.” Her utter nonreaction seemed to throw Baz, he now stood blinking in the center of the room.

“He was my roommate for seven years! It took nearly that entire time for me to get proof!” Simon’s tail had slowed its nervous flicking.

Penny chose to remain silent at Simon’s contribution.

“Okay, I guess I’m not really the best example here, I was lacking a few life-changing revelations before that, so, er...” he trailed off.

“Simon, dear, you’re not helping your case.” Baz sat down on the edge of the bed, awkwardly folding his legs to match the low seat. Simon could only imagine what was going through his head; his fangs were still out though, so he doubted it was pleasant.

Penny settled back into her chair. “I suppose it’s for the best we’re discussing this now.” She pulled the book back into her lap and went on, “It may have taken Simon ages, but I think we can agree that there were some other factors at play. Also, you sleep with your mouth open,” she shrugged.

Baz paused his silent agonizing to stare at Penny, aghast. “I do _not_ ”

Simon had to agree with Baz here, in terms of Baz’s sleeping habits, he was basically an expert at this point.

“Well, that may be the case when you’re in a proper bed, but it’s a different story when you’re slumped against the passenger side window at seventy miles an hour. I’m not sure what you’ve been dreaming about, but I’ve gotten a full view of those pearly whites more than once.”

Baz glared indignantly. Penny sighed and pulled her book back into her lap.

“Look, I don’t see why this needs to be an issue. ‘Vampirism’ has been Simon’s and my working assumption for ages,” she paused. “Well, to be fair, I was more in the ‘committed goth’ camp, but I can admit when I’m wrong.”

Simon muffled a snort of disbelief.

I seemed that Baz had finally finished deciding whether he should flee the building or self-immolate, and instead landed on a much more pleasant third option: smirk coolly go about business as usual.

He rearranged himself on the bed, maneuvering around the still slightly shell-shocked Simon seated at the foot, and returned to his reading. Simon glanced between his companions, both absorbed in their books, nothing to suggest the tension that had flared moments ago.

Simon shook his head and returned his attention to the TV.

Bunce: 1, Pitch: 0

**Author's Note:**

> I'm aware this isn't my most streamlined or fleshed-out fic, but I'm a big fan of the completely accidental and anticlimactic vampire reveal, and I figured folks might enjoy Baz immediately giving the game away as soon as he's stuck in a car with Penny (mouth-breather)


End file.
